I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
