I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
