Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i love accidental penises.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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