I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
