theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
