We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
