did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
