you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
