I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
