Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
