I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
