We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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