Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
