He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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