i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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