youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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