small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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