Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
