I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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