The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
