dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
