he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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