Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
