The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
