I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
