dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
