I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
