Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
