I bet he comes in French.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
