I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
