we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
