The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
