people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
