Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
