When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
