he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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