I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize