My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
