I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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