I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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