There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
