I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
