if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
