Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
