That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
