It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
