I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
