I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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