I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
