Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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