I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
