My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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