all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
time to smoke my breakfast
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
