Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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