where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
