she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
