How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
