mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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