Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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