Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
