I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
