the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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