I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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