I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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