Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
