There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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