At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
